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I guess I'm writing this as a therapeutic measure, uhhmm...to get things out of my chest, i guess. I've found that writing things down (even if its just a diary) help a lot to put things in perspective.
Anyway....thing is, I was worried about going for art school, not because of the course of studies itself or even job prospect matters...I was troubled aobut having to face constans social interaction in a daily basis; I know that most people take this things for granted, but social interaction is still a big deal for me. To put things in perspective...today at school one of the teachers failed to attend to classes and we had a couple of hours to fuck around, and I've been chatting with lots of folks, here and there, and was able to actually don't let anxiety get the best of me...I'm aware that this sounds like a run of the mill day for most people, well....it is not for me. It's been ages since i could feel confortable while sorounded by people I barely know.
Funny thing about depression...given some time, it becomes a part of your everyday life...it becomes, uhmmm, normal, in such a way that you don't perceive it as depression. I'm just becoming aware of how "not-miserable" i feel most of the time. I look back to when i was in college studying english, and i realized how fucked up, how sad, I used to be; spending most of the time in isolation, suffering from panic attacks, and so on and so forth. Ironic as it may sound, it gave me the tools to communicate with you, english-speaker folks ^^.
It sounds kind of cheesy, but NG folks have been a lot of help...I've been trying to find words to express how much I appreciate your kind words, feedback and help, but I'm kinda drunk right now. Sooo...thanks.
Welp, I'm finally starting art school in two days and i've been having anxiety related issues for about a week know; I'm having problems focusing, problems to sleep, almost started to smoke again, blahblahblah.
I've dropped out from the school of languages - where i was studying to become an ESL (english as second language) teacher - about six months ago, mainly due to my not being confortable with the course of studies; but also, because of a severe social anxiety disorder that prevent me from developing my skills as well as i could. I remember not being able to engage in conversations with almost anybody and not being able to sleep for more than two or three hours a day a week before an examination.
Thing seem to be better now, I'm getting a lot of support from my family regarding my new course of studies and I was able to actually start sharing my work with people, which seems like a minute achievement, buuuuut, it was actually a big deal for my.
I thought of sharing this because I've got nothing but love from Ng folks, and though I still get unconfortable participating in the forums and sometimes get anxious when hanging around a chat room, I'll try my best to get more and more involved with the community.
Ok. I'm not new at newgrounds, though i've never been an active member of the community; i've mostly used the page for playing games, watching movies, and eventually, look at some art. I've recently decided to start posting some art at newgrounds, and deviantart at the same time, not only to get a little exposure, but to receive some constrcutive critique. It's only been three or four days since I started uploading some sketches and the feedback and exposure I received is huge. While I've got around eight hundred views in total, some favourites, fans, and made it to the portal in newgrounds (which actually gives perfect exposure), I've only got nine pageviews, and not even ten views per piece in Deviantart. I guess that the amount of art that is submitted into deviantart doesn't help a lot if you want some feedback, but so it doesn't the fact that the platform seems to work mostly for accomplished artists.
Just a thought. Anyway, I like newgrounds better, most of the guys i've been looking up to for years came from here, so there you go.
By the way, if my english isn't so polished,well....that's because i'm not a native speaker, and it's been months since i wrote/spoke in english, which also impairs my ability to communicate complex ideas ;D.